The Consultant Parent

Note: This is the last post in a 3-part series on Love and Logic parenting styles. If it was me, I'd start with the Drill Sergeant post, then go to the Helicopter Parent post, then read this one last.

The Consultant parent, sometimes known as the Love and Logic parent, approaches their kids with more of an open attitude.

This type of parent understands that lessons are best learned by giving the child choices,

and allowing them to make affordable mistakes. Choices are incorporated as early as possible in a child's life. Choices become especially important as our kids enter the adolescent and teenage years, because they offer our kids control (within our limits) and foster independent thinking.

When you're a Consultant parent, will your kids make mistakes? Yes! And you hope they make lots of them! Especially while they're affordable and safe to make. The Consultant steps back from enforcing limits and lets reasonable, real-world consequences do the teaching. In this way, we as parents become more like advisors or counselors than police officers. We use language like, "If it were me..." or "Wow, I'd think twice about doing that." Then we open our hands...and let it go. We allow for failure. In fact, we hope for it!

Does this approach allow our kids (and therefor us) to experience pain? Yes, but we must remember that it's short-term pain that will result in long-term gain. We worry very little about our kids' responsibilities but focus much more on what would be significant learning opportunities for their irresponsibility.

Our kids are climbing Mount Everest. We can’t climb it for them or even with them, but climbing a mountain like that is much safer, and a lot more fun, when they have a base camp. As Consultant parents, we are that base camp: we listen, we support, we provide problem-solving skills rather than solving the problem. We will even help when a climber is in danger.

Consultant parenting allows you to relax and have a lot more fun than the other parenting styles! It also produces a closer, more loving relationship with our kids. Best of all, the message Consultant parenting gives your kids is: "I am smart and capable. Even though I make mistakes, I can handle things on my own. And if I'm struggling, there's no shame in asking for help."